Оригинал взят у enia в Следы войны...

Оригинал взят у otevalm в 7 кладов Стеньки Разина

Оригинал взят у melena1001 в Приятного и уютного вечера!

Оригинал взят у rinat70 в Уморительные народные надписи

I had a chat with Malovich which lead to a realization about myself that I further discussed with Draco this morning. It's a bit game changing. I'm missing a very basic skill and from the outside it is very difficult to see because I seem to have all the things that are attached to it.

I don't have any skill in celebrating my own self or successes. I don't have any of the internal bits to do this. I simply cannot create the experience of celebration within myself when it is about me. I don't know how and I'm suffering from this lack.

I can do it for other people and when it is about other people. So, in my head, celebrating is something someone does for someone else. I'm pretty good at feeling happy for others and proud of others, and creating words or rituals to mark those things that matter. I can throw parties for others. I know that people need these things.

I've been told plenty of times that I should "celebrate" something... and I try. I really want to. It's just that I try to make the magic rituals work that will create a celebration and it ends in disaster. I end up huddled in my dark kitchen with a lit candle singing happy birthday to myself with tears running down my face wondering what is wrong with me. Draco compared me to the "aliens" in my fic Tea.

I'm sometimes told to celebrate by rewarding myself. This doesn't actually work. When I treat myself to something it is either because I want it or to make myself feel better. Treating myself doesn't connect to celebration in any way.

I have many successes. I can see them and identify them. I can recognize my skills and talents. I can point to what I have accomplished. I feel happy when I succeed, but that is transient and easily lost to the next thing.

Me: "I got a 98% on my test."
Dad: "Good. Do you know what happened to that 2%?"
Me: "Yes."
Dad: "Good."

I'm always focused on that 2%... and the next 2%... and the next...

I'm superbly good at pushing forward in the face of failure and difficulty. I'm an excellent problem solver and I move towards goals with little requirement for reward beyond completion. I get stuff done, then move on. In the past, I've described my life as walking a path. I can add now, that I never smelled the flowers I planted on that path.

I don't know how to experience celebration of myself or my successes within myself. These things are just steps in moving forward. I don't stop or look back. This isn't healthy.

Оригинал взят у platinym в Фантастическая женщина Online

A few months ago, calimac came over for a visit, and played for me some clips from The Greatest 20th Century Symphonists You've Never Heard Of.

I was so enchanted that I begged him to make a post, and here is the beginning.

Оригинал взят у banallex в Уникальные природные бассейны Памуккале

By the time you read this I will probably be on my way to Balticon for the weekend, but I just got the news that WOW! YES! not only are the first annual awards for bisexual writers and books happening NEXT week (Sunday June 2, 6:30 pm at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe, NYC) but I have two nominations! One of my books is a finalist, and I’m a finalist myself!

Details:

( Read the rest of this entry »Collapse )

Mirrored from blog.ceciliatan.com.

WTF time? Seriously.

Tonight, I'm making a sojourn into Larryville for a seminar. I rec'd the following via email early last week, and RSVP'd for myself and one guest. That guest was maybe gonna be Rin, but now I think I'm on my own. Anyone want to join me? Apologies for last-minute, life's been... wild? Good, but wild.

(From Ed Bloch) "I will be conducting a seminar on Brainwave Optimization on Thursday May 23rd 6 p.m. - 8 p.m. at the Holiday Inn Convention Center in Lawrence. I will be introducing this advanced technology and how it can benefit adults and children who struggle with sleep and a variety of mental health issues including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, conduct disorders, attention problems, and more. New research conducted at Wake Forest University and case studies on several of the more than 250 clients we have trained in Lawrence will be presented. Attendees will receive a free Brainwave Optimization assessment. Please pass this information along to anyone who might be interested in this amazing process. Reservations are required. 785 842-2752 or bst@lecnetwork.com."

Yesterday was my turn to cook here at Rio Hondo. I made momos, with a substantial assist from David Levine and Carrie Vaughn. In the kitchen cooking, which takes a while, my feet gave out. There's no other way to describe it. @dratz came to my rescue, took over the cooking and final meal prep on my behalf, while I lay on the couch. Even sitting at the table eating dinner with my feet on the floor was painful, so I retreated once more to the couch before going to bed early.

The best I can describe it is that the skin irritations produced by Vectibix sometimes express themselves as very tender, painful calluses on my feet. Being on my feet so much yesterday afternoon put so much pressure on those calluses that I could not be on my feet any more.

Next Monday, I start Regorafenib, a medication which is much harder on the feet (and hands) than Vectibix. This is only a taste of things to come.

Cancer erodes me, piece by piece, until there will be nothing left of me but laboring breath and the last guttering sparks of my will to live.

On the question of whether the Stieg Larsson Award For Hottest Teenage Hacker Punk Who Falls In Love With The Protagonist's Self-Insert" is a fan or a pro award, I say it's clearly a pro award.

Also posted at Dreamwidth, where there are comment(s); comment here or there.

The workshop at work

( Photos under cut for f-list mercyCollapse )

Photos © 2013, Joseph E. Lake, Jr. and Carrie Vaughn



This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. and Carrie Vaughn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Your Thursday moment of zen.



Barbed wire, Washington state. Photo © 2008, 2013, Joseph E. Lake, Jr.



This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Relay For Life — Robin Silver raises funds to fight cancer.

Kicked out of the mall — for an anti-cancer hat — The most insensitive mall cops ever aggressively escort out two teens who just lost their mom. That's family friendly, alright. (Via shsilver and others.)

The 5 Ugly Lessons Hiding in Every Superhero Movie — Interesting. (Snurched from Andrew Wheeler.)

German software firm recruiting autistic workers — German software firm SAP is recruiting autistic workers. To help the company hire autistic workers, SAP has hired Specialisterne. Together, SAP and Specialisterne will recruit individuals with autism that can work as software testers, programmers and data quality assurance specialists.

Pavlof Volcano, Alaska Peninsula — Oooh, pretty.

What the State Birds Should Be — Seven cardinals but no hawks? Come on! (Via JL)

Bitcoin Hits the Big Time, to the Regret of Some Early Boosters — The first major conference for the digital currency suggests it is gaining legitimacy, but in a manner disappointing to some early enthusiasts.

Why French Kids Don't Have ADHD — (Snurched from Freakonomics.)

Tornadoes and Global Warming: Is There a Connection? — Will the future bring more twisters to Oklahoma and Tornado Alley? The science isn't clear yet, on account of unlike politics, science doesn't make up its mind in advance of the evidence.

Portland, Oregon rejects drinking water fluoridation by wide margin — Public health measure goes down amid vague concerns about safety and purity. Even progressives can be idiots.

Pope Francis Says Atheists Who Do Good Are Redeemed, Not Just Catholics — Why does any religion get to claim the good done by non-believers. Christ really didn't die for me, or for anyone else who isn't a Christian. While I surely appreciate the gesture of tolerance, it encloses a spike of arrogance. (Thanks to Danny Adams.)

Atheist lawmaker opened with Carl Sagan quote instead of prayer — (Via shsilver and others.)

Ken Cuccinelli Loses Petition To Uphold Anti-Sodomy Law — Yeah, pushing for a ban on oral sex is certainly one way to make the GOP more popular.

Dear Oklahoma: We Feel for you, we love you, but do us some favors — Shorter version: As you sow, so shall you reap. Unfortunately, the rest of America also reaps what you sow. So, sow better.

Reaching the 'weather weapon' stage — [T]he guy raising the specter of Obama using "weather weapons" to kill Oklahomans is the same guy helping influence several Republican policymakers in 2013. Another of the many reasons why rational human beings everywhere think American conservatives are absolute lunatics. The GOP and its politicians embrace this kind of mind-melting insanity instead of rejecting it out of hand. (Via shellyrae.)

QotD?: Eaten Tibetan lately?

---

5/23/2013
Writing time yesterday: 0.5 hours (WRPA editing, otherwise on workshop time)
Hours slept: 8.0 hours (solid)
Body movement: n/a
Weight: n/a
Number of FEMA troops on my block scamming disaster aid slush funds: 0
Currently reading: Night Watch by Terry Pratchett

Dangit, I hate when my tummy tries to tell me it's hungry when I otherwise feel all bloated from eating too much last night. I like to play lizard and just not eat again until the bloaty feeling's gone, but then traitor Brain makes me eat all the yummy things before I can wait that long, or tummy tells me it's hungry and wants to be fed, which just perpetuates the bloaty feeling all the longer. Stupid body and head! I was doing OK yesterday until the very end. Nothing for it but to try again today, I guess. Gotta break the massive sugar addiction.

I'm hoping having 4-5 days of no work or other firm commitments this weekend will give me time and energy to Clean All the Things in my house, and in so doing that I'll feel like I've regained a modicum of control in my life. I'm hoping that will help kick me out of this gravity well of a funk I've been struggling to escape for months now, which would in turn benefit my work and my eating. We can hope! Please please no major upsets like car accidents or broken pipes or the like! I'm not going to let myself get drawn into any time-sucking repair projects, either. Just the cleaning, ma'am. Everything else can come later.

( Food LogCollapse )

This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth, where there are currently comments.
You can comment here using OpenID or anonymously (please include your handle!).

4!

A sergeant first class and officer in charge of the “health, welfare and discipline” of cadets at the United States Military Academy at West Point has been accused of videotaping female cadets without their consent, including when the women were showering or otherwise unclothed.

Also posted at Dreamwidth, where there are comment(s); comment here or there.

Starting tomorrow (Friday) thru MONDAY!!! BBQ Ads: It's Memorial Day Weekend and the unofficial kick off to BBQ season!!

Also, please keep voting for our 5 finalists for our Underwear Contest #2!! On this entry here.

Let's have a movie theme day Monday, haven't had one in while and let's gather up themes for movies so I don't have to think of them and I can just put them in a baggy in the hat and then pull one out in the future! I was thinking of a pirate movie theme for Monday, does that sound okay?

Iain M. Banks had to generate product in the mimetic genre to subsidize his real writing.

Thanx to andrewducker

bart_calendar says Facebook is doomed.

NYPD officer who has already cost the city $1.5 million in settlements for abusing the citizenry (with more pending) gets promoted

Thanx to Avedon's Sideshow.

Mormon flow chart

Thanx to Making Light.

Masturbation is at the heart of the culture wars because it offers women autonomy. Furthermore, men who masturbate are less likely to see women as the keepers of something men desperately need.

Девушка, скорее всего, не поступит:


( А они поступятCollapse )

Оригинал взят у aquatek_filips в Десять дней на Кикладах. Остров Наксос

Оригинал взят у aquatek_filips в Закат в заповеднике Опук

Оригинал взят у aquatek_filips в Рассвет над горой Опук

Оригинал взят у marv в Шутка природы – удивительный цветок “Шлюхины губки”

Оригинал взят у inna1903gr в Дюймовочка-мальчик

Оригинал взят у selena_petrus в Кто и когда любит дождь?

Оригинал взят у tapkali в Маврикий, полуостров Леморн Брабант

Оригинал взят у banallex в Цветущий Алтай

Yep, that's the title to one of my plays.

I'd forgotten about it during all of last years rush to other things. Then I was looking for something else and rediscovered it. I then had to hunt down my Dramatists Sourcebook and decide on a theater to send it to. After all, it will never be produced if I don't send it out.

See, back then I actually went through the book page by page and marked specific theaters as especially good prospects for various plays.

Even with all that previous work it still took me all day to get the submission actually sent off.

But, it was a good feeling none the less.

For those of you who consider yourself a new writer - there is ONE trick to becoming published etc. - that secret is simply that publishing is a numbers game. You send off X number of pieces and you get X number of sales. That's it folks. SEND OUT YOUR WRITING. Even when you suck someone will buy it.

The only difference between you and those other authors is that what they are offered is currently MORE, not because their work is better than yours - a lot of the time it isn't better - they are offered more because they are slightly ahead of you as a BRAND or you are BRANDABLE (cute, special) - brands sell more and faster. That's it. Don't be sold on the idea that your writing sucks, unless you know it sucks. Mostly writing is decent to okay to maybe good to slightly better to good to even better to really fucking good.

Mallory

I read this book probably about 5 years ago.

A prince invites all the princes and princesses from neighboring countries to a major (multi-day) party/get-together. He had been traveling for a long time before that. A princess (I have no idea what her name is, so I'll call her "P".) joins up with her sister-in-law's sister so they can travel to the party together. P was really worried because her sister-in-law is snobby, but her sister is nice.

They get to the party and meet the Prince's servant, whose name started with a D. P and D (the servant) hit it off really well and they enjoy spending time together as the other princesses faun over the Prince. A bunch later, P catches D hugging? the Prince's cousin (who didn't speak the common language very well). P was really sad because she liked D.

I think someone got kidnapped, and P set out with a few of the other princesses to recover their lost friend. D and some of the other princes follow them soon after and together they rescue whoever/whatever was taken. D tells P that he really was the prince, and the guy that was posing as the prince was his servant.

D and P want to get married, but the Queen (the Prince's mother), tells them they have to wait a year with absolutely no contact to see if they are still interested in each other after that time away from each other. I think the book ends when they see each other for the first time after the year is up.

I have no idea who the author is, but I seem to remember the book cover being red. Maybe not. Thanks!

Also posted at Dreamwidth, where there are comment(s); comment here or there.

Fig would not be one of them.

Also posted at Dreamwidth, where there are comment(s); comment here or there.